English Small Talk Topics: What Is OK and What Is Not?

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do." What may be perfectly acceptable to talk about in one culture may offend or even shock others when in a different culture. Accordingly, it is important to know what topics are "safe" to discuss with strangers or acquaintances from a different background. Topics which can be discussed freely within a culture are referred to as "small talk."
　　As with any other language, English has its own stock of non-offensive topics. Among these are the weather, occupation, immediate conditions, family and family life, and school or work. Topics in English which should never be broached include one's personal life, physical appearance (unless complimentary), income, and age as well as religious, sexual, or political views. Each of these topics——both approved and taboo —— will be discussed more detail later.
　　Small talk is extremely useful when first meeting others. Actually, one purpose of small talk is not to find out the answers to questions like "How are you?" or "Nice day, isn't it?" but rather to gauge whether the person is the sort whom one would like to know better. While talking about essentially unimportant matters such as the weather, life in the office, or how many children —— if any —— one has, each speaker has the opportunity to determine whether the other is cooperative, interesting, potentially useful or friendly, etc. If a person answers the inquiry about the weather with a grunt or "I hate sunny days," no further energy need be wasted!
　　Another purpose of small talk, once a speaker is satisfied that the other person is worth talking with, is to explore possible areas of interest or cooperation. By tactfully going through "safe topics," some information may be revealed which leads the speaker(s) into a deeper discussion, especially when a topic is a shared hobby or interest. Talking about the weather may reveal that one speaker enjoys recreation like camping or hiking. Shooting the breeze about one's family may disclose similar shared family hobbies like board or card games or barbecues and picnics. In other words, small talk may serve as probing of the other person's personality and lifestyle.
　　"Everybody complains about the weather, but nobody ever does anything about it," so goes an old saying. Perhaps the safest of all small talk topics is the weather. Whether good or bad, a comment about the temperature or sky condition (sunny day, cloudy day, rainy day, etc.) never offends. Commenting on the crowded traffic or the late bus, or high prices in the department store (immediate conditions) is also always appropriate. Similarly, most people do not mind talking about their work, family, or school life, either, since for most people these are experiences held in common. Even so, asking whether someone is married or not crosses over into personal information and therefore should be avoided. If the speaker happens to mention that he or she has children or is married, however, it is all right to pursue the topic.
　　Asking such questions as "How much do you weigh?" "How old are you?" or "How much do you earn?" are taboo in English, at least as starters for conversation. Only when friends are close would they ask such questions of each other. Likewise, for most people, religious or political convictions or sexual mores are considered private matters. These should not be discussed until one speaker offers his opinion first. It is not necessary, though, to respond in kind. The other speaker can change the subject to show that this is a taboo subject.
　　Foreigners are usually "forgiven" the "indiscretion" of asking others offending questions. Still, it is not a good idea to wear out one's welcome. When a subject has been turned down, only a tactless person would pursue it. Being sensitive to others' feelings and sense of privacy will win more friends and influence more people than a reckless line of questioning. When curiosity seems to be getting the upper hand, remember that "Silence is golden."

　　“入境随俗。”在某文化里可以完全被接受谈论的话题，在另一个不同的文化里可能就会得罪人，甚至可能会吓着对方。因此，了解什么话题可以“安全的”跟不同文化背景的陌生人或熟识的人交谈是件很重要的事。在同一文化中可以高谈阔论的话题我们就称之为闲聊。
　　就如所有其它的语言一样，英语里也有一些不会得罪他人的闲聊话题。这些话题包括了天气、职业、目前个人的状况、家人与家居生活、学校或者是工作。英语中禁忌的话题则包括了个人生活、外貌（除非是赞美的话）、收入、年龄以及宗教信仰、性观念或政治观点等。这些被允许的以及禁忌的话题将容后逐一详细说明。
　　与人初次见面时，闲聊是非常管用的。事实上，闲聊的目的之一并非要如何回应“你好吗？”或“天气不错吧，是不是？”等这类问题，而是判断对方是否是我们想进一步认识的那种人。在谈论一些无关痛痒的话题时，如天气、办公室生活或是对方有多少小孩（若对方有的话），就有机会判断对方是否合作、有趣、有所帮助或友善等等。谈到有关天气的问题时，对方若哼啊一声敷衍了事，或说：“我讨厌艳阳天，”那就甭再浪费唇舌了。
　　闲谈的另一目的就是，一旦满意对方且了解对方值得交谈后，谈话人就要探究彼此可能感兴趣及合作的范畴。透过巧妙运用“安全的话题”，便可获知一些信息进而促使双方作更深一层的谈论，尤其是话题与彼此嗜好或兴趣有关的时候。谈论天气透露对方可能喜欢露营或远足等休闲活动。而闲聊家庭的话题则可显露彼此相似的家居嗜好，如下棋、纸牌游戏、烤肉及野餐等。换言之，闲聊可用来探知对方的个性和生活方式。
　　俗话说：“人人怨天气，无人管天气。”因此，或许天气可说是最安全的闲聊话题了。谈论气温或天候（晴天、阴天、雨天等），评语不论是好是坏，永远都不会得罪人。至于交通拥挤、公交车迟到或百货公司的物品售价太高等（临时发生的话题），也是很适合的。同样地，大多数人也不介意谈论他们的工作、家庭、或学校生活，因为对大多数人而言这些都是大家共同的生活经验。即使如此，若是询问对方是否已婚时则就涉及私人问题，因此就应避免提及。对方若不经意提及自己有小孩或已婚时，追着这个话题发挥就无妨了。
　　“你多重？”、“你几岁？”或“你收入多少？”等的问题在英文里是个禁忌，至少不可用作闲聊的开场白。只有熟朋友才会彼此问这样的问题。同样地，对大多数人而言宗教信仰、政治立场及性观念等话题也都属于个人隐私。除非对方先发表他的看法，否则不应谈论这些话题。不过，你也不用跟着回应你的看法。对方可能会改变话题，以表示这个话题是个禁忌。
　　外国人在闲聊时如果不慎提及禁忌的问题通常是会被原谅的。但是，因此而损及对方对你的好感也是不智的。当对方已拒谈某个话题时，只有不上道的人才会追着这个话题谈下去。敏感察觉对方的感觉及对隐私的注重，要比胡乱问一连串问题能使你赢得更多的朋友，也影响更多的人。当好奇心蠢蠢欲动时，切记这句话：“沉默是金。”